A man walks into a pet store looking for a parrot. Right in front of the store there is a parrot that says "welcome to the store, feel free to look around". The man is amazed at the vocabulary the bird has. He goes and talks to the manager to get a price on the bird. The manager says, "did you notice he has no feet". the guy says "no, I hadn't. How does he stay on his perch?" Manager tells him he wraps dick around it and holds tight. The guy dosen't really care that the parrot has no feet and, so he buys the parrot and takes him home. The man loves his new parrot, and they have long conversations about this and that. One day he comes home from work and the parrot calls him over and says "we need to talk".guy says "sure buddy, whats up". Parrot says "well, while you were at work, the milk man came by, and yer wife asked him in". "yea, yea", the guy replies. The parrot continues,"well they started getting kinda friendly. He took off her shirt, and she undid his pants. Then her dress went flying, and shoes and socks were flying all over the place and they started rolling on the floor, it was getting pretty steamy." "yea, what happened after that", the guy asks. Parrot says "beats the shit out of me, I got a hard-on and fell off my perch."
the one thing we need is a left-hand monkey wrench