Shitting Yourself

Non-Disc Golf Stuff

Moderators: Timko, Solty, Frank Delicious, Blake_T, Fritz, Booter

When Was The Last Time You Shit Yourself?

Yesterday
0
No votes
Last Week
1
3%
Last Month
1
3%
Less Than Six Months Ago
2
6%
More Than Six Months Ago
1
3%
Last Year
2
6%
A Few Years Ago
10
32%
Infancy
2
6%
I Don't Remember
6
19%
I Don't Shit Myself
2
6%
I'm Shitting Myself Right Now
3
10%
Shit?
1
3%
 
Total votes : 31

Re: Shitting Yourself

Postby TOURNEYPLAYER » Mon Mar 12, 2012 10:57 am

I somehow doubt that.
TOURNEYPLAYER
I bugged Frank for a rank and got this as my rank. WOOOO Frank rules!
 
Posts: 600
Joined: Thu Sep 15, 2011 12:57 pm
Location: behind you
Favorite Disc: ZONE BITCHES

Re: Shitting Yourself

Postby Dig It » Mon Mar 12, 2012 11:11 am

My story is very similar to Jesse's. Happened pretty close to it too, I would say about 6 years ago.

My wife had a friend in town and on their last day we went to an Indian buffet. I couldn't get enough of this rice pudding so I just kept shoving it down my face. Fast forward to that night and I dream I am holding in a fart. I think in my dream, "If I just let my sphincter go the fart should come right now with no need to push." Letting go was all I needed to turn that bad pudding into a brown water torrent all over our bed. I get up and finish my shit, hit the shower then wake her up and let her know my dirty secret.
Darmok and Gilad at Tanagra. Shaka, when the walls fell.
Dig It
1000 Rated Poster
User avatar
 
Posts: 1584
Joined: Mon Dec 10, 2007 9:13 pm
Location: Denver, CO
Favorite Disc: circleStamPooPlate

Re: Shitting Yourself

Postby jsun3thousand » Mon Mar 12, 2012 1:01 pm

lokirising wrote:This thread wouldn't last 10 seconds on DGCR, btw.


this thread on dgcr would be busier than the market place.
Scooot_er wrote:And disc golfers aren't always the smartest bunch.
jsun3thousand
wants to be the president of the don zimmer memorial charity foundation of america inc
User avatar
 
Posts: 3381
Joined: Thu Sep 11, 2008 9:32 pm
Location: the tomb of don zimmer
Favorite Disc: #63

Re: Shitting Yourself

Postby Pwingles » Mon Mar 12, 2012 1:13 pm

3 years ago this christmas, ate some BK , got ecoli poisoning, shit myself 3 times in a 24 hr period and almost (almost) cried
Pwingles
1000 Rated Poster
User avatar
 
Posts: 1059
Joined: Mon Nov 16, 2009 5:49 pm
Location: Missouwi
Favorite Disc: Gwoove

Re: Shitting Yourself

Postby TOURNEYPLAYER » Mon Mar 12, 2012 1:49 pm

lokirising wrote:This thread wouldn't last 10 seconds on DGCR, btw.


maybe a little longer. but yeah it would be deleted quick. and nobody would actually admit to shitting themselves.
TOURNEYPLAYER
I bugged Frank for a rank and got this as my rank. WOOOO Frank rules!
 
Posts: 600
Joined: Thu Sep 15, 2011 12:57 pm
Location: behind you
Favorite Disc: ZONE BITCHES

Re: Shitting Yourself

Postby Jsw » Mon Mar 12, 2012 10:16 pm

Love this thread, probably the best on DGR in a while - well done Greg.

Its funny because me and 3 of my buddies went up to Atlantic City a few months ago for birthday debauchery and we ended up telling "shit yourself" stories the whole was back.

I can honestly say that I had never truly shit myself(the odd, bi-yearly shart doesn't count IMO)as an adult(or teen) until this happened.

Alright, it was Thanksgiving day like 3 or 4 years ago. Me and my siblings all traveled up to my parents for the dinner/festivities, etc. The evening unfolds innocently enough, I shove heaping plates of food in my mouth while laughing and cringing at my dysfunctional family in all its glory.

So anyway, tonight is unusual in the sense that dinner finishes, we all hang out for a little while, but alas, I have no urge to shit. "Oh well" I say, and chalk it up to the stress of half-assing through the same conversations I have every year with my extended family members, and dealing with that one obnoxious uncle, etc. Its time to go and I get into my car and start my hour-long journey back home. This is when things turn for the worst.

Everything is going well until about 20 minutes in, the first signs of having to shit creep into my mind. "You only have about a half hour to go, and then you can vacate your bowels in the comfort of your own home" I convince myself... The drive is literally 98% highway anyway, so stopping would be a pain in the ass - plus the urge isn't coming on THAT strong - If shit gets real , I'll just hit an exit.

10 minutes go by, and I can feel my stomach rumbling. Warning-farts are expelled, and a cold bead of sweat forms just above my brow line. "Fuck, not now" , I say - realizing I'm on a stretch of highway where the exits are worthless in terms of amenities.

Another 10 minutes... still no exit with a gas station or restaurant "Ok, its all in your head, just don't think about it and you'll be fine" I've ridden out hunger pangs by doing this before, surely the urge to shit can be squelched this way as well, if only for 10 minutes more, just enough to find a suitable exit. "You're not young or old enough to shit yourself" I reason.

About 5 minutes later, I'm really in trouble. I'm angling my ass up off my seat as to let the farts out in the gentlest way possible. I need to find an toilet FAST or this is going to end badly. Finally, a sign - the next exit has a MacDonalds! Less than a mile to go now. I've made it this far, sure I'm prairie-dogging a little but its less than a mile. Those beautiful golden arches rise into view. I can hear the angel's trumpets as my eyes catch the glimmer of their bright yellow glow(or was that just my own ass giving me the last warning shot across the bow?!).

I merge onto the exit, salvation is a mere 200 yards now, "Phew, close one Jeremy!" I laugh to myself....

Then suddenly, it hits me. My ass and mind did everything it could to hold back the tide, but in the end it was too much. As soon as I pressed my clutch in to downshift into the parking lot, 2.5 plates worth of Thanksgiving dinner comes rocketing out of my ass. The pressure of sitting down forces the shit down my legs and up my back, its literally oozing out of the top of my belt line. I can barely focus enough to drift my car into double parking. The conflicting emotions of fear at what I was doing, and the elemental relief of releasing something like that from your body was quite a shock to my system.

I sat in disbelief for about a minute, before I had to disrobe completely and throw my clothes away. I drove the rest of the 20 miles completely naked aside from an oil-stained shirt I found in my trunk. Praying I didn't get pulled over. I could just picture myself on one of those "real TV" shows where they feature wild police dash footage. My face blurred out, shit all over my ass, back, and legs. Incoherently trying to explain to the cop that I haven't escaped from a mental facility, stabbed someone and stole their vehicle.

Then of course when I get home I have to get my room mate to bring me out some shorts. I lied and said I spilled coffee all over lap. I ended the subterfuge shortly after when I was drunk and could laugh at myself about it.

Now , I don't fuck around when I get the urge to shit. First sign of trouble, I'm ass-to-porcelain ASAP.

Thanks for reading.

TL:DR I shit myself in a vehicle after thanksgiving dinner.
Last edited by Jsw on Tue Mar 13, 2012 12:13 am, edited 1 time in total.
Image
Jsw
Steward Turkeylink: This ranks means I can't read or follow basic directions
User avatar
 
Posts: 1109
Joined: Sun Dec 16, 2007 5:35 pm
Location: Mid Atlantic
Favorite Disc: DGR's Night-Owl

Re: Shitting Yourself

Postby Mixed Bag Madness » Mon Mar 12, 2012 11:55 pm

Jsw wrote:Love this thread, probably the best on DGR in a while.

Its funny because me and 3 of my buddies went up to Atlantic City a few months ago for birthday debauchery and we ended up telling "shit yourself" stories the whole was back.

I can honestly say that I had never truly shit myself(the odd, bi-yearly shart doesn't count IMO)as an adult(or teen) until this happened.

Alright, it was Thanksgiving day like 3 or 4 years ago. Me and my siblings all traveled up to my parents for the dinner/festivities, etc. The evening unfolds innocently enough, I shove heaping plates of food in my mouth while laughing and cringing at my dysfunctional family in all its glory.

So anyway, tonight is unusual in the sense that dinner finishes, we all hang out for a little while, but alas, I have no urge to shit. "Oh well" I say, and chalk it up to the stress of half-assing through the same conversations I have every year with my extended family members, and dealing with that one obnoxious uncle, etc. Its time to go and I get into my car and start my hour-long journey back home. This is when things turn for the worst.

Everything is going well until about 20 minutes in, the first signs of having to shit creep into my mind. "You only have about a half hour to go, and then you can vacate your bowels in the comfort of your own home" I convince myself... The drive is literally 98% highway anyway, so stopping would be a pain in the ass - plus the urge isn't coming on THAT strong - If shit gets real , I'll just hit an exit.

10 minutes go by, and I can feel my stomach rumbling. Warning-farts are expelled, and a cold bead of sweat forms just above my brow line. "Fuck, not now" , I say - realizing I'm on a stretch of highway where the exits are worthless in terms of amenities.

Another 10 minutes... still no exit with a gas station or restaurant "Ok, its all in your head, just don't think about it and you'll be fine" I've ridden out hunger pangs by doing this before, surely the urge to shit can be squelched this way as well, if only for 10 minutes more, just enough to find a suitable exit. "You're not young or old enough to shit yourself" I reason.

About 5 minutes later, I'm really in trouble. I'm angling my ass up off my seat as to let the farts out in the gentlest way possible. I need to find an toilet FAST or this is going to end badly. Finally, a sign - the next exit has a MacDonalds! Less than a mile to go now. I've made it this far, sure I'm prairie-dogging a little but its less than a mile. Those beautiful golden arches rise into view. I can hear the angel's trumpets as my eyes catch the glimmer of their bright yellow glow(or was that just my own ass giving me the last warning shot across the bow?!).

I merge onto the exit, salvation is a mere 200 yards now, "Phew, close one Jeremy!" I laugh to myself....

Then suddenly, it hits me. My ass and mind did everything it could to hold back the tide, but in the end it was too much. As soon as I pressed my clutch in to downshift into the parking lot, 2.5 plates worth of Thanksgiving dinner comes rocketing out of my ass. The pressure of sitting down forces the shit down my legs and up my back, its literally oozing out of the top of my belt line. I can barely focus enough to drift my car into double parking. The conflicting emotions of fear at what I was doing, and the elemental relief of releasing something like that from your body was quite a shock to my system.

I sat in disbelief for about a minute, before I had to disrobe completely and throw my clothes away. I drove the rest of the 20 miles completely naked aside from an oil-stained shirt I found in my trunk. Praying I didn't get pulled over. I could just picture myself on one of those "real TV" shows where they feature wild police dash footage. My face blurred out, shit all over my ass, back, and legs. Incoherently trying to explain to the cop that I haven't escaped from a mental facility, stabbed someone and stole their vehicle.

Then of course when I get home I have to get my room mate to bring me out some shorts. I lied and said I spilled coffee all over lap. I ended the subterfuge shortly after when I was drunk and could laugh at myself about it.

Now , I don't fuck around when I get the urge to shit. First sign of trouble, I'm ass-to-porcelain ASAP.

Thanks for reading.

TL:DR I shit myself in a vehicle after thanksgiving dinner.

Image
PA1s-Rocs-FLX Drones-Teebirds-D3s-Destroyers-D1s
Mixed Bag Madness
Tree Magnet
User avatar
 
Posts: 495
Joined: Tue Dec 23, 2008 1:12 am
Location: Grillin N Chillin
Favorite Disc: Pumpkin Rocs

Re: Shitting Yourself

Postby uNicedmeMan » Tue Mar 13, 2012 8:36 am

Well composed narrative Jeremy, I was thoroughly entertained.

Jsw wrote:Now , I don't fuck around when I get the urge to shit. First sign of trouble, I'm ass-to-porcelain ASAP.


Same here, I've made a solemn promise to myself to never think, "It's not that bad, I can make it home."
-Find the Others-
uNicedmeMan
Plastic Fondler
User avatar
 
Posts: 2586
Joined: Mon Dec 12, 2005 11:18 pm
Location: Charm City
Favorite Disc: Gotta be the PD

Re: Shitting Yourself

Postby Jsw » Tue Mar 13, 2012 11:57 am

uNicedmeMan wrote:Well composed narrative Jeremy, I was thoroughly entertained.

Jsw wrote:Now , I don't fuck around when I get the urge to shit. First sign of trouble, I'm ass-to-porcelain ASAP.


Same here, I've made a solemn promise to myself to never think, "It's not that bad, I can make it home."


Yeah that's a lesson that a man should only have to learn once. My brother-in-law always had these crazy/hilarious shitting stories about hanging his ass over a guard rail on the side of the highway, or off a tree stand, etc. I told him I thought it was absurd that he always found himself unable to hold it for long enough to find more suitable accomodations -but he would always justify it as "When I gotta shit, I gotta shit." Now I know the wisdom in it.

I have another shit-related story but it isn't really about soiling myself so much as shitting in a really ridiculous place in in order to avoid having another disaster. Its probably slightly less humorous(except to sick fucks like me) but about 84.5% more cringe-worthy. I'm too lazy to type it out in the fashion that I want to though so I'm just going to keep it to myself. I much prefer spoken-word storytelling, my writing chops just aren't on the same level as my oral skills(hayooooo)
Image
Jsw
Steward Turkeylink: This ranks means I can't read or follow basic directions
User avatar
 
Posts: 1109
Joined: Sun Dec 16, 2007 5:35 pm
Location: Mid Atlantic
Favorite Disc: DGR's Night-Owl

Re: Shitting Yourself

Postby JR » Tue Mar 13, 2012 2:07 pm

Now you know that nature does not call it forces you. Violently. When it comes to shitting you can't crap around by waiting or you will crap all round. Your trousers if you're unlucky enough to wear them.

I didn't soil myself or my pants last winter in -4F after eating Nepalese but i had to dash into the woods and almost froze my throwing hand fingers off. I was lucky that in the end of the Christmas traffic around here i got to a gas station that was about to close and could put my hands under hot running water. Before that i was in agony for many minutes that were among the longest in my life. Even longer than fighting a crowning. And i had my hands to the vents of the car of my brother turned to max heat while we were searching for a place to warm my hands

The 5 hour trip to see the family was almost totally spent holding my hands onto the fans blowing as hot air as the car could provide. Luckily i wasn't the driver. I cannot recommend freezing. It is not always pain free i can assure you. If i had to pick an upside to fannying about in deadly cold conditions it is that there's way more blood circulation down there and there was no need to use snow on the jiggly bits as a washing method. Therefore it was only nasty.

I'm somewhat conditioned to tolerating cold conditions swimming in ice water. Still a line of snow up the crack may make someone else crack up. Not the person with the white line -up the crack. There is a lesson in there. Children don't do white lines -carry toilet paper. I've had zip loced TP with me ever since in the bag and try to have some in the pockets when i'm not discing. That led to a mess after forgetting to remove TP from the pocket putting the pants in a washing machine. I've carried heat pads in the cold season everywhere i go ever since.

Sorry no cool shart stories to share. Only one after months of non stop antiobiotic use without protective medication to make the medicine tolerable to my stomach. I was at home and i had nothing as spectacular as some of the poor sods around here.
Flat shots need running on the center line of the tee and planting each step on the center line. Anhyzer needs running from rear right to front left with the plant step hitting the ground to the left of the line you're running on. Hyzer is the mirror of that.
JR
Scandinavian Video Mafia
User avatar
 
Posts: 11538
Joined: Sun Mar 18, 2007 6:07 am
Location: Finland, sea level
Favorite Disc: About to ace

Re: Shitting Yourself

Postby vonDrehle » Tue Mar 13, 2012 2:30 pm

Does sharting count?
Image
vonDrehle
Steward Turkeylink: Has not seen The Godfather and is probably a horrible person
User avatar
 
Posts: 1254
Joined: Thu Aug 24, 2006 8:07 pm
Location: Hickory/Raleigh/Blowing Rock, NC
Favorite Disc: River

Re: Shitting Yourself

Postby veganray » Tue Mar 13, 2012 2:33 pm

Counts as fucking accouchement in North Carolina!
Ryen91 wrote:I am pretty sure I am more intelligent then you think and have allot more knowledge then your post might suggest.


Cheers & chings!
Vegan Ray
formerly #21579
veganray
Plastic Fondler
User avatar
 
Posts: 2211
Joined: Thu Aug 06, 2009 1:29 pm
Location: the defense table
Favorite Disc: DX Gremlin

Re: Shitting Yourself

Postby MizzouTiger26 » Tue Mar 13, 2012 9:32 pm

Haha, I am so damn glad I clicked on this thread.
Image
PD~PD2~Quasar~Stalker~11xBanshee~Fuse~Axis~Gator~P2
MizzouTiger26
Tree Magnet
User avatar
 
Posts: 156
Joined: Sat Dec 19, 2009 10:39 pm
Location: Here or There
Favorite Disc: Fuse

Re: Shitting Yourself

Postby jsun3thousand » Wed Mar 14, 2012 10:06 pm

the perfect cover up.

Image
Scooot_er wrote:And disc golfers aren't always the smartest bunch.
jsun3thousand
wants to be the president of the don zimmer memorial charity foundation of america inc
User avatar
 
Posts: 3381
Joined: Thu Sep 11, 2008 9:32 pm
Location: the tomb of don zimmer
Favorite Disc: #63

Re: Shitting Yourself

Postby Frank Delicious » Wed Mar 14, 2012 10:08 pm

Frank Delicious
The Crime Prince of Clown
User avatar
 
Posts: 12364
Joined: Thu Mar 23, 2006 3:43 pm
Location: Drowning in a cold river
Favorite Disc: Wraith

PreviousNext

Return to Off-Topic, Miscellaneous, etc.

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 2 guests